Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Diabetic "Cheerleaders"

I think it's great that there are people in this world that want to prove that you can live a "normal and "healthy" life despite having diabetes.  I think those people are wonderful; I really do.  However, I sometimes feel like they cross a line and it makes me want to smack them.

I will be the first to say it.  Having diabetes sucks.  I have had this for 13 years and I still hate it.  I will say it again.  I hate having diabetes, it sucks.  It sucks that it pretty much happens for no reason.  It sucks having to take shots or to wear a pump.  Checking your blood sugar?  Sucks.  It sucks that I may pass it on to my son or any other future children that I have.  It sucks that I'm at risk for some pretty serious complications.

Nope, you will never EVER hear me sing the praises of my diabetes.  That's perfectly okay with me, because that's the reality.  It's a disease that won't go away, is expensive, and never allows you to "ignore" the nutritional intake of your food.  That doesn't mean that I sit around all day and sulk about having diabetes either.

The truth is you deal with it, and you don't let it control your life.  You don't let it dictate what you can and cannot do.

Everyone's got there "thing."  This is just mine.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Keep Going.

I'm happy to say that the "wave of change" so to speak is still alive and well.  I would be lying to say that I didn't still feel the pain of my choices though.  I think the most important part of this was that I did pick myself off of the floor and I kept going.

Keep going.  Keep going.

It's a phrase/mantra that I have used for so long.  It used to mean just take one more step before collapsing.  On days were I could not breathe that phrase made me take one breath.  When I think how far I let myself succumb to my eating disorder, just how sick I'd get before and ambulance was called, it scares me. It also frustrates me.  You'd think with a will power like that I'd use it for positive things, but instead I chose this path.

Keep going. Keep going.

It means a lot more now. It's not about taking one more step to hide a sickness.  It's not about keeping puke from coming up.  It means to keep fighting.  It means to not give up on this journey and this process.
For a moment I found myself blaming the fact that I chose to get help for my recent issues.  I don't think that anymore.  This process is not going to let me feel sorry for myself.  This process is not going to let me live in ignorance.  Its forcing me to truthfully look at myself and change what I don't like.

Keep going.  Keep going.